Saturday, November 11, 2006

Adoption Seminar

Yesterday I attended a seminar at the Montreal Children’s hospital called Adoption Attachment and Beyond. What an eye-opener. I don’t think I came out of the seminar with any more knowledge than when I went in. It goes to prove my theory – that most adoptive parents are incredibly well-read in the subject of adoption. I was actually speechless at some of the things they were saying regarding foster care and private adoption. One “specialist” actually bashed IA parents for “digging a tunnel to China” when there are children available here in Canada. OMG! I just wanted to scream from my seat at the top of the auditorium. The sad truth is that many of these so called specialists feel that people who want to go the IA route is only because they want a healthy baby with no strings attached – a perfect child. They don’t realize that the system is really the problem.

I for one really looked into my options before I chose to adopt internationally. To sum up my reason behind adopting from China is that I wanted a child. Believe it or not, it is the easier route. In private adoption you have to wait until a birth mom chooses your file … it could take forever. She could choose you and then change her mind along the way which I honestly couldn’t deal with. In foster care, there are many older children and almost all are special needs as they have most often been removed from their home. Then, if you commit to such a child, there is very little support and you risk loosing this child at anytime because more right are given to the bio mom than the child. The though of having a child go back to a bad situation is more than I could bear. I know that there are many people that go this route, and for them I have nothing but respect as I know that this is more than I could handle.


Elise said...

I can't beleive an adoption seminar would say that kind of thing! Everyone chooses their adoption route for their own reasons, no one should ever judge! I have friends who have adopted locally, from foster care, some who even foster, some who have adopted from Russia, Korea, and we all have our reasons for taking that path. The adoption community needs to be supportive not judgemental, sorry you had to go through that!

stefferqc said...

Hey Julie,

Good to see that what your reasons were for not going the local adoption route. We also decided not to adopt locally for very specific family reasons - we are a reconstituted family, and my husband didn't want to "share" parenting of his daughter with someone else outside of our immediate family (he "shares" parenting of my two older boys with my ex, if you will). There are other reasons too that we decided to go the IA route, which you highlighted.

Just to say everyone has a right to make the decision that is right for their family, and no expert should really pass judgement on us.

take care... Stefanie

Jeff and Michelle said...

Wow! I just read this exact same thing on someone elses blog! They were at a seminar on adoption and someone was saying similar things against IA. I could not believe it! With our first IA, it was because we knew this was our son. This time we have many valid reasons for choosing China. I cannot believe people make these comments. Argghhh!


Lee-Anne said...

That specialist needs a good slap! Like you, I just couldn't face a birthmother of a domestic adoption, to come prancing in the door 5 years later, declaring her undying love for a child, that she'd given up years before.

PromiseKeepersDaughter said...

I couldn't have said it better myself. I think if they were in the situation they would see it differently. The system "should" change. I don't hear them knocking at my door! You would think if they were trying to find homes for Canadian children that they would be asking the Provinces for a list of names of people who are IA so they could try to sway us into domestic.
I agree that I too am in need of a child and that dream is more of a reality in China than in Canada.
Not ditching Canada or US, but I think they will see in the future that IA are more frequent than domestic and when the government starts forking out more doe, you wait and see what happens.
Another heart is beating in my chest at the same rythum as a little girl in China. Nothing could sway me from my dream.
Glad I wasn't there I would have made a specticle out of myself!
"Specialist" my sweet patootie.
Down I crawl off my soap box now.

PromiseKeepersDaughter said...

PS. You should have asked them if they want their shovels back! lol
Once again down I come off my soapbox! LOL

Connie said...

I hear ya...the 'system' in the states is tumultuous too....many of those very issues you mentioned.

How can we expect regular Joe on the street to 'get it' when the 'specialists' have their noggins up their arses about what the issues really are? We all have our reasons for making our choices and have to get better about respecting those different than ours. Grr!

Sorry there was IA negativity. It's a drag when it rears its head.

Lisa and Doug said...

I can't believe the nerve of that IA specialist! My hubby and I thought long and hard about the route we were going to take regarding adoption - and IA was the best choice for us. After spouting that kind of ignorance, that speaker should not be called a "specialist" at all.

Dawn and Dale said...

Great post!

Thanks for speaking up and sharing!

rockbox said...

You are so right! I love the way you write. thank you for everything btw.
Sandra and Mark